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A sister wrote to me privately, but I would like to post my reply , so that others , too, might benefit from what the Lord revealed to me during this very difficult time:
Priscilla, As I read your post I could only reminisce(sp) as to all the times I lashed out at my husband when he would come home to me, even when I knew about the ow(other woman). I also remember how she did the same thing calling herself the new wife,and telling me that she was his wife. I had many 1 step forward and 10 steps back along my path. Oh, if only you knew the extent of how far this went. this ow came to my house at 4 am to retrieve my husband. she finally left ,but so did he right afterwards. it was like living in a nightmare the entire time.
At first when they left, I bowed before the Lord and thanked HIM for revealing to me the truth that I had prayed for. I cried in thanks for knowing the truth, but did I heed? no, I didn't then, I had to change, to totally surrender myself before the Lord. I ended up disobeying God during that time and took my husband back before the Lord had redeemed him or letting me know that I should take him back. I realized I had put my desires ahead of God's will for my life at that time, and I knew that I was disobeying when I did it.
I had to learn a very difficult lesson as to the soverienty of God. I had to learn about the sin of affection which I never even knew existed, that sin has to do with even putting another human being ahead of God. Our Father has to be number one in our lives in all things, and that I am now learning about in other areas of my life and so is my husband as we face financial issues at this time. Know ,He is in control,Priscilla, and that HE loves you more than anyone on earth possibly could. He is our Father and loves us enough to discipline us and bless us. He wants to bless us for HE says that "HE has pleasure in our prosperity." The fervent effectual prayer of a righteous man has tremendous power.
I think the most difficult thing to do is trusting that God wants your marriage restored, but it can't be in your time, it has to be in HIS time. I believe this is so, because sometimes we can end up idolizing our husbands and putting our husbands before our God. I did this and paid a price for it, but ultimately I had to step back and trust God. I had to lay all of my stuff on HIS mercy seat, and let go and trust HIM to deliver my husband from sin, and also deliver me out of my sin. I began to bless my husband , praying that God convict his heart as I wrote in my last posting. I also prayed that God put people in our lives that HE wanted in our lives and to take those people out of our lives HE didn't want in our lives. Oh my, this is powerful, for before I knew it, this began to happen. Jeff and I were led to a church separately by one person who was brought into our life, even when he was still involved in his other life. That very church prayed for our marriage, and we ultimately married in that church this past Oct. 26th.
God reminds that I didn't need to pray over it over and over, that HE knows when you pray for it the first time. We think many times that we must repeat our prayers, and I still do many times, but we don't have to. I did employ others to always pray for my marriage and for HIS perfect will in all things. Oh, Priscilla, how powerful is the power of prayer from believers. Also, I remember when I would totally surrender to our Father and all of a suddern having an uspeakable joy fill my whole body,mind, soul, and spirit, I would be so joyful that I would begin to want to dance with joy, but always remember the enemy wants to steal that from you, so stand firm in HIS word, study, listen to the radio, for many times the Lord spoke to me through this ministry, Faith Tabernacle and even through the television. We have such an awesome GOD!!! He truly is amazing as you actually see the fruits of acting on faith in HIM. He will confirm the very things HE reveals in HIS word or through the Holy Spirit. Only HE can bring you the peace you seek in your life, not your husband, not human can do that.
I also learned so much about myself for the Lord also convicted me of my sin during those days, and I had to deal with my own issues and be right before God myself; it wasn't all jeff, I, too , had stuff that needed to be dealt with. At the beginning I wanted to blame it all on me, but that, too, wasn't the case. Then I went onto blaming it all on Jeff. Each of us had sin that needed to be cleansed.
Your husband is immersed in sin right now, he can't see or hear you. Remember it isn't him but sin in him. I even did spiritual warfare to release my husband from the strongholds of this woman citing Matt: 16:18, I will paraphrase it, " that whatever is bound on earth is bound in heaven, and whatever is loosed on earth is loosed in heaven." I would put on the full armour of God, the helmet of my salavation, the breastplate of righteousness, my loins being girt with truth, my feet shod with the preparation of the peace of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the shield of faith, and the sword of HIS Spirit, which is HIS word."
I also know it is very important to pray concerning this, for I remember retalitory attacks on me, so please pray for clarity with regard to this before doing this. I would bind the strongholds over my husband and send them before their Messiah, Jesus, and loose the Holy Spirit upon my husband,sometimes I would send them to the pit where they belong.
I also learned much more about the power of words spoken and how those words set things in motion, that our words can when spoken citing God's promises that pertain to whatever situation we are dealing, will invoke the angels to carry out those very promises as we believe and trust in HIM. I forget which psalm tells us that, but I read it and know it is true. Perhaps someone reading this can cite the correct psalm. Our words release God's promises for the angles to then carry out. Our words can also cause harm and I am learing how important words that we speak are. There are so many lessons that the Lord put upon my heart during these years, and always remember that all works for the good to those who love the Lord, (again, paraphrase)
This entire process throughout the two years was such a learning experience and I believe that my testimony might help other women being in the middle of this most painful experience. I also prayed for the other woman; I had to forgive her, having to remember that it is the sin, not the person.
I will also note to you that it wasn't until I truly let go of my husband ,that God just as quickly placed him back into my life, but this time, there was no yesterday or tomorrow when God did return him to me, there was only that day we spent together. The Lord used our dog, which was reallly my husband's dog, to place him back into my life. Our dog got ill and that was brought us back. He had called me before , but I had already accepted that it wasn't the Lord's will that we be together anymore and forgave him and told him that I was happy for him, but i didn't believe that it was God's will for us to be together. When our dog almost died one night, I called Jeff, my husband to come see his dog, that is when everything unfolded in a new way. My husband ended up telling me how God saved him from the pit of hell, that only God brought about peace in his life and placed a desire in my husband's heart again for us. He explained how he wish he could undo all that he did, but that he was immersed in it and was taken over, and how thankful he was when God released him of the sin and brought him peace. He told me how sorry he was for ever leaving our home, and how much he missed me and our animals, how much peace he really had with me, and how much he blew it. we began to enjoy the subsequent day ,as we spent the day in orlando seeing a specialist for our dog, with a newness as was not experienced in all of the previous times we ever tried to reconcile. My husband had been released from the pit, and the Lord, God, JESUS, is the one who restored us with a total newness, peace , and joy that we experienced and now have married in a newness and are happy.
I've learned so much from all of this. I learned that criticising our husbands doesn't change them, that we must pray for that change and love our husbands, giving all that we can to them,not thinking of ourselves, but instead, bringing any concerns to the Father. I'm not saying not communicating, because we do that, but anything that might bring about derision, is brought before the Father to take care of.
Now that you are apart, he now belongs to God, not you, he has chosen sin in his life and only when he is returned to you by God and done according to God's will for you in this situation. Remember God only wants the best for you in this life as you release your trust in HIM, and place your marriage on HIS mercy seat, and let go, bless your husband through this, and that God bring him a heart of repentance, to see with new eyes and hear with new ears, that the Lord put people in each of your lives that God wants in each of your lives, and take those people out that He doesn't want in your lives. pray that HIS perfect will be done in all things. He knows the desires of your heart, trust HIM.
I will pray for you, Priscilla, and I would also say to you, go about and serve our Father, go about your business , the Father's business, hide under the shadow of HIS holy wings. I highly recommend as I lived most of those two years in Psalm 91. Allow our Father, God to be your refuge and your fortress, let HIM be your shield and your buckler. He will send HIS mighty angels to bring you peace through this most horrible time. If it is God's will, your husband will be restored back to you as a man you can honor and respect. Surrender yourself to HIM in all things, seek HIS holy face. I used to pray, "Father, send out thy light and thy truth, let them lead me , let them guide me to thy holy hill and to thy tabernacle."(again, a paraphrase of a psalm that I memorized,not sure which number.
.....Delight thyself also in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires fo thine heart......Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who brigngeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil." Psalm 37
May HIS holy feathers cover you and keep you safe, that you continue in trusting God for all things.
Your sis in Christ, peggy
p.s. I'm going to post this for others to read , that it might help others who are also having to face one of the most difficult times that I went through in my entire life, but the value of what was taught to me through it all may add light to those who are now faced with the same pain as I had. Bless you, sister
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